The Fat Nutritionist

I came across this blog entitled "The Fat Nutritionist" today from a link I found on pinterest.  Awesome.  Amazing.  Wonderful.
I love what she has to say and how she says it.
I love how she talks about the inner tyrant and the way to keep him satiated.  I love the way she is relaxed and cares more about being healthy than about the number on the scale. 
I think that sometimes I get so wrapped up on what number shows up Sunday morning that I forget about if I made good choices that week or not.  I am going to focus on that this next week and see how that works out.
I had a great cardio day at the gym and I am really happy because I went further in 45 minutes than I did last time. 
I have been debating signing up for a 5K in a few weeks.  I had wanted to do one when I was in SD just barely, but I chickened out.  Now I have been going to the gym more regularly, but I am still really nervous about getting all 264 lbs of me across the finish line.  Plus, I would really love to do it in under an hour if I did do it, which would mean I would have to train outdoors to be able to push myself and then somehow speed up my time and build the stamina to go further.  Right now I am only doing about 2.3 miles in 45 minutes, and a 5K is 3.1 miles.  I would also have to either take my son on it with me (in the stroller), or tell my mom and have her come watch or watch him at home and go it alone.  Bother.  Part of me is a little embarrassed to want to do it as well.  Is that weird?  I wish I wasn't embarrassed by it, but I feel like nobody would ever expect me to finish a 5K, so to attempt it of my own choice is almost like asking for someone to tell me "I told you so" when I can't finish.
Wow, I got way off-topic!
Check out that woman's blog.  Trust me, she has some great things to say.  :)

Personal Training Woes

Between vacations (his & ours), sickness, poor planning, etc., my hubbs and I have built up 6-8 sessions that we need to use with our personal trainer.  We get 2 more each month.  So, we need to start using them a lot more regularly. 

The issue comes from our schedules being so different.  So we have to schedule them only on Wednesday nights.

Anyways, so last night when we were at our session, Josh (the trainer) kicked our trash.  We didn't plan enough ahead and had just barely eaten, so our stomachs were full.  Then, it had been a long day between the hubbs having a long day at work and me having a stressful day with our almost-always-but-lately-all-he-wants-to-do-is-scream toddler.  Either way, we were not in the best mindset to work hard.

Then, come to realize, I have been doing my circuit WRONG!!!

I can't believe it!!!  I am so bothered.  There have been so many days the past month or so where I have thought, "You just did that really fast.  I bet you could do more."  Or, "I feel like there should be more with the legs in here".  Come to find out--my internal person was right all along!

I had been leaving out an entire set of full body squats and I had the order wrong on the last half of the circuit.  Shame on me!

So now my workout is a bit harder.  I should be happy about that, right?  I guess I am.  I will be once I get stronger. 

One thing is for sure though, morning workouts are SO much better for me.  I actually accomplish something during the day.  I feel like I have more energy and make my time useful. 

I had wanted to amp up my workouts, and I got my wish.  Here's to a new challenge!

Pudge Sludge

I know I have been losing weight and that is great.

But there is still this mental block.  I look at myself and think, "Gross".

I feel as if my stomach is getting wider and my cheeks are getting puffier and my neck is inflating like a balloon with every morsel I put into my mouth.

I can't seem to see myself in the light of good that I am accomplishing.  I can only see myself as the bad of where I have been.

I have been reading a lot of different things lately where people are basically justifying being overweight because of one thing or another.  They take offense to words like "fat" or "chubby" or "obese".  I think this is ridiculous, first off.  I mean, honestly, you are more fat than muscle, water, bone, or organs, so yes.  You can be classified as fat.  Unless someone force-fed you exorbitant amounts of unhealthy foods over an extended period of time without letting you exercise, you are at fault for your weight.

*I know that sounds harsh, but please keep reading*

But, what I don't think is cool is for how others treat those who are overweight.

People seem to either pity, hate, ignore, or blame the overweight.  Sometimes, it is a matter of being poorly educated or motivated or supported in the home while growing up, and those 18-year habits are so difficult to break that the person never sees a healthy weight.

Sometimes it is an underlying issue of depression, anxiety, or other emotional distress where the person's solution is to eat themselves into a numb stupor or gain a momentary high from the fatty sugary goodness of the cake/cookie/ice cream/enter sweet of choice here.  Until they learn to deal with their emotions, their weight will forever be an issue.  On top of that, they have people looking at them and judging them for being obese.

I was looking through old photos lately where I was told I was obese because of my BMI.  I wonder what the difference would have been if I had been given praise for my healthy choices instead of pressure to become a size 4?  I was an hourglass peg being shoved into a triangular hole. 

Now that I have become the circle peg, my family tries their hardest to support me.  But, I demand more from them than I did before.  They are not allowed to focus on my current weight, but only on the direction it is heading and the positive choices and changes I am making for myself and my family.

Before you judge that kid in your class because they don't fit into the desk made for the size 10, or laugh at the woman whose clothes don't fit or the man buying an extra large meal to eat alone, think about what they may have gone through to get them there.  Maybe they are grieving over a loved one or just caught their spouse cheating.  Maybe they have nobody to help them through the hard times or maybe they have a genetic disorder that makes it extremely difficult to lose weight.  Or, they just have never had anyone tell them they are wonderful, beautiful, special, or gifted enough to need to care for themselves enough to take care of their body so they can live to see the day when their mark on the world will be realized.

If you are overweight, do not let the world get in your way.  You are beautiful!  You are worth the time and effort it takes to love yourself.   Eating good food and exercising is for your benefit, not for the world or society or even for your parents/family.

I do not always love the body I have right now.  I created my situation, and I know that.  I take responsibility for that fact.  It makes me sad to think about it, but it is the truth and it can't be fought.  I can realize that it is just my body, though.  I can love the person I am underneath so much that I will fight to keep her alive.  I will fight to let her live.  I want to learn to surf.  I want to ride roller coasters.  I want to have more babies.  I want to live to be 100 years old and see my great grandchildren be born.  I want to climb mountains and canoe down rivers.  That is what living is to me.  I can't do all that if I don't take care of my body right now.

So, despite my mental block, which I am nicknaming "pudge sludge", I am going to keep trying.  I am going to keep trekking it to the gym and working out and pushing a little bit harder on the treadmill and showing myself that I am the master of my body.  Only I can make myself feel bad for the choices I made to get me to where I am today and the way to fix that is to feel good about the choices I make every day to move in the other direction.

Holy Weight Loss, Batman!

Those were my thoughts as I stared at the scale this morning.  There is no way I lost 6.6 lbs this week!
But, just as sure as I am that the jiggle in the middle is mine, I am sure the scale was not lying.  I triple checked.
I honestly don't know where that came from, but my mom may have given me a clue.  She said that weight loss doesn't always happen that week you are trying so desperately for it--it could be a few weeks out.
Since I was working really hard right before my trip to SD, and even though I ate crap there I still walked all over and played and jumped, I sweat it out every day as well, so I maybe that is finally catching up with me?  That would be great.  I wasn't eating as well as I should have been right before SD, which is probably why my body was holding off on the weight loss.
But look at this!!!  6.6 lbs?!  I feel like a freakin' rock star!
I am going back to SD in 4 weeks and I have a goal of weighing 250 lbs by then.  That means I must average 3.4 lbs/week in order to do this.  I really want to make this goal.  I want to be able to look halfway decent in a bathing suit as I lie on the beach or play in the sand with my son.  Ugh.  Bathing suits. . .I probably will need a new one.  Death.
I won't think about that until it is closer to SD.
For now, I will think about the crazy weight loss, Batman!

Plateau

I have hit a plateau.
I went on vacation and although I gained .2 lb (SO much better than I thought it would be!), I feel pudgier than when I left.
I have bypassed the "round 2 fat pants" and gone straight to round 3.  Yay!
But, I have not been eating well or getting my butt to the gym.
I think I have finally recuperated from the 10 day adventure in SD, so hopefully tomorrow I will be able to get my lazy bum off the couch, get to the gym, cook some actual good food for my body, and get some fresh air at the park or something.
Bother.
I just am not sure if I could handle gaining the weight back.  There was a brief glimpse into the 260's and now I feel as if it is a far-off dream.  A wish.
I will still work.  I am still going to try and make my goal of 250 lbs by June 24, which is not that far away.  It is only about 5 weeks!  Eek.
I can do this, right?
I can do this?
I can do this.
Whew!  Let's go!

Pictures of Proof

I can barely tell a difference, but what do you think???
The first blue shorts & grey shirt is from December 5.
The Red bottoms & grey shirt is from April 12.
The blue bottoms (they look really dark in that picture) & grey Gold's shirt is from May 12.

My next goal is 250 lbs by June 23.  I think once I get back home and get into a good routine again it will be a lot easier, but I feel as if I am at a plateau, emotionally and physically.  I want to lose the weight and look great and feel healthy, but who knows what will be.  I went down one pant size and opted for the strawberries & whipped cream and only one chocolate dipped strawberry over the piles of cake and pie and See's candy and cookies that were in full swing on Mother's Day.

Alright, here are the pictures!

Relaxation Time?

The morning came of the first goal.
I have been working so hard and have felt so dragged down lately.
The past two weeks have been really tough.  Despite the great workouts and the good progress, I have still had a hard time eating well and making it to the gym and drinking enough water and doing everything I should to take care of myself.
I was really worried I wasn't going to make it to my goal because of the low weight loss last week and my mid-week check up did not do much to boost my confidence.
But, when I got on the scale before jumping in the car this morning, I had met my goal by the skin of my teeth!
270.0 lbs!!!
I still don't feel 100% satisfied, is that odd?  I feel like I have accomplished something great, but it doesn't seem good enough for some reason.  I should probably look into that.
Either way, I am getting a much deserved pedicure and enjoy my vacation while getting in some fun San Diego style exercise.

The Truth in the Tape

At last night's training session, hubbs and I were measured.
I knew it was going to be good when Josh made me get back on the scale because he didn't believe how much weight I had lost!  Hahaha.  The look on his face was awesome.
Since the last time we measured a month ago,
I lost 20 lbs
5 inches on my waist (WHOA!)
1 inch on my hips (he said this is typical for women--I think it sorta stinks)
1 inch on each thigh (it may be more, but I was wearing my sweats this time so it was hard to really tell)

I had told him I was working hard, but I don't think he was expecting that great of a drop in numbers.  When He double checked my weight, he said he has never seen someone lose that much weight in a month.
I know it won't be like that every month, but I can still work hard and try to lose weight and inches and get as fit as possible.

We leave on vacation tomorrow.  I will weigh myself in the morning and hopefully the result will be good enough to get me that longed-for pedicure!

Obesity Epidemic and the Weigh-In

My hubbs was reading an article recently about how 20 years ago or something a study came out saying that 1 in 10 people would be considered obese.  Everyone scoffed, thinking they were ridiculous.

Now, a similar study has shown that in 10 years, 1 in 10 people would NOT be obese.  And yet, we still haven't learned from our past arrogance!  We are still turning a blind eye to the study and laughing at it.  I, for one, am going to take it seriously.  Yikes.  I do not want to be considered one of those 9 ten years down the road.  I am the one out of the ten right now, but that will change!

Food for thought:  Does Pinterest have anything to do with the rising rate of obesity in our world?  I mean, you can't go half a page without something covered in bacon, chocolate, pounds of cheese, or all three.  Seriously!  I think I gain weight just by 5 minutes of mindless scrolling.

I am still working on the weight loss, and even though this past week wasn't as great as the weeks before, it is still going in the right direction.  I lost 2.6 lbs, so I am now at 271.0 lbs.

I have 1.0 lbs to lose before Friday morning before we leave for our vacation, and I am so nervous I won't make my goal!  As soon as I do, I will post a new picture though to chart my progress in picture form. 

We have a meeting with our personal trainer tonight and hopefully all goes well.   Work hard and stay positive!

Ladies at the Gym

At the gym I attend, there are ladies of all shapes and sizes.  There are ones who are petite and fit, ones who are almost there, the balloons like me, and ones in-between.
We come in all different shapes & sizes, but also different ages.
Two ladies in particular come in every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and work out together.  They look to be about in their 60's and they have their routine.  They encourage each other and have smiles on their faces.  They laugh through the planks and the squats and they push each other to go until that last moment on the treadmill.  They are fascinating to watch!
This past week, we have ended up "fighting"/sharing the same exercise ball in the small fitness room at the gym.  We always end up working out at the same time, and they always end up stealing my ball somehow.  It is quite comical at this point.
I am inspired at how consistent and dedicated they are to sticking with their fitness goals and they have told me how great they think it is that I am coming and taking care of myself and doing it while I am still young (when you are in your sixties, I guess late twenties is still pretty young).
With disappointing workouts this week, I really wanted to have a great workout today.  So, when I hit 30 minutes on the treadmill, even though it wasn't at the speed I had wanted to be going, I thought, "That wasn't too bad.  I added weight to my circuit, so 30 minutes at a slower pace is ok."  But, I saw the two women leaving and one of them called out to me.  She encouraged me to keep going and "get [my] great workout!"  That was the boost I needed!
15 more minutes with a quicker pace and I had completed my best workout of the week.
Add that to a busier day of keeping my house organized and playing with friends, and I am looking at a great day.  Hopefully it helps bring me down to my goal weight by Sunday, but if not, all I know is that I feel great right now.
Here's to a great workout!

It's Been A While, But I'm Still Here!

I feel like I haven't written in a while, and there's a reason for that.  My best friend and her son are in town!  They are here and it makes my days a little more busy and a lot more wonderful.
I have had some great success with weight loss this past week, with a whopping 6.2 lbs.  Can you say WHOA? :D  Yeah, I freaked when I saw the scale.  Which this puts me at only 3.6 lbs until I have reached my first goal of 270 lbs.  That makes 19 lbs in a few days over a month.  That is ridiculous!
 I know it is going to be slowing down and I am prepared for that, but this is a great start, right?
I saw my first friend that hasn't seen me in a while on a day trip yesterday and her reaction was great.  Part of me is so happy to see that proud look in this friend's eyes, but I also worry.  What if I can't keep this up?  What if I can't encourage myself to keep going and make myself work hard and exercise and what if I fail???
I have so many doubts and so many thoughts that I know are keeping me from success.  I know that seeing those numbers on the scale drop every week is such a joy but it also brings something up in me to sabotage.  I love fitting into my "not the fattest" pants (face it, skinny pants are for skinny people).  But, part of me still wonders if I can fit into the "not the second fattest" pants.
I guess this is the long way of me saying I had a burrito or two for dinner tonight instead of soup.  :(  So, I had a bad day.  And I had a road trip yesterday and ate out a bit, so it wasn't the best day either.
BUT,
I have renewed faith in the system.  6 lbs in one week, 5 lbs in another, 4 lbs in the first week--my system must work for something, right?!
So back to the system I go!