It's been a while. . .

It has been a while.
A long while, too.
I just looked and the last time I posted, it was July.  Huh.  Yeah. . .a lot has happened in that time.
I lost weight, started school, and stopped exercising because I took on a super load of classwork and ran out of time.
No, let's be honest here.  It's the internet.  Where else can you be totally honest?
I stopped making time.
I stopped planning out meals, making them, trying to eat well and exercise more.
I am doing well in classes, but there is the sting of embarrassment every day when I try to squeeze into those tiny desks.  I want one day to be able to slide in and out easily.
Needless to say, I gained weight.  Like lots of weight.  At one point I had gotten down to 236 lbs and now I am back to 260.6 lbs.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I know it is hard, but I am losing steam.  I just keep seeing myself as this woman who has been through so much and I have come out on top of everything except for my weight.
I feel like I should cut myself some slack, but at the same time, I just end up eating my feelings.  Every. Single. Time.
I overeat as well.  I eat until I am so full that I feel as if I will burst.  This 'bursting' feeling is so awful.  But I can't stop myself.  It is as if I think I need to punish myself for everything that has gone wrong in my life.
I am feeling defeated.  But I have no more pants in size "defeated", so I have to get my act together or find some money in our budget for some new ones.
I am going to work on posting some more sometime soon.  And I will work on being cheerful, as difficult as that may be.
I need support right now, so thanks to all those who read this blog.  I hope it keeps me honest with losing weight!